Lisa Kudrow credited as playing...
Michele
- Christie: So, Mi-chelle! What are you up to?
- Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.
- Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did *you* think of Post-Its?
- Michele: Uh...
- [looks across the room at Romy talking to Billy Christianson]
- Romy: And I thought of them completely by myself. I mean, all Michele did was say: "What about making them yellow?"
- Michele: [turns to the A Group] Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
- Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
- Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns out I was right.
- Michele: For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says "shit" a lot. You know?
- Cheryl: I don't believe it!
- Christie: What?
- Cheryl: THAT!
- Kelly: They're back!
- Christie: Nice outfits. Post-it's must be really lucrative!
- Michele: Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?
- Romy: Oh yeah, Michele. I am SO sure!
- [they approach Christie, Cheryl, & Kelly]
- Romy: What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why the hell are you always such a nasty bitch? I mean, okay, so Michele and I did make up some stupid lie! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I realized? I don't care if you like us, 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think!
- [Cheryl and Kelly laugh sarcastically]
- Romy: Come on Michele.
- Michele: Okay, and... YEAH!
- Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those HIDEOUS clothes
- Lisa Luder: Actually Christie. They have nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All and all, I'd have to say they're really... NOT BAD!
- Christie: Well, WE still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?
- Lisa Luder: Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?
- Christie: You're just jealous. Because unlike a certain ball-busting dried up career woman, I might mention, we're all HAPPILY MARRIED!
- Lisa Luder: That's right, Christie. Keep telling yourself that.
- Michele: Oh my God, you did it!
- Romy: Yeah, I did.
- Michele: What did you have to do?
- Romy: I had to give everyone in the service department hand jobs.
- Michele: Well, while you were doing that, I made us a tape of all the nostalgic songs from high school to get us in the mood.
- Romy: Michele?
- Michele: What?
- Romy: Do you really think I would do that? For a car? Just get in.
- Michele: O.K.
- Michele: Hey Romy, remember Mrs. Divitz's class, there was like always a word problem. Like, there's a guy in a rowboat going X miles, and the current is going like, you know, some other miles, and how long does it take him to get to town? It's like, 'Who cares? Who wants to go to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?
- Billy Christiansen: Wanna get a room?
- Romy: But you're married!
- Billy Christiansen: To Christie!
- Romy: Yeah, but you have children, and you're a successful real estate developer.
- Billy Christiansen: I do dry wall for her old man's construction company, and you know this new kid, don't even know if he's mine! So, how about that room?
- Romy: Okay. Why don't you get that room? Why don't you wash your face and take off all your clothes? And, I'll be there in five minutes.
- Billy Christiansen: All right! Your fantasy is going to come true tonight. See you later!
- Michele: Bye.
- Romy: Now he's going to see what it feels like to wait.
- Michele: Such a good one.
- [looking at yearbook pictures]
- Romy: Oh my God! Remember what a big controversy it was for us to have our picture taken together?
- Michele: Yeah, because Danny Weller like, lodged that complaint. Because alphabetically he was supposed to be between us.
- Romy: So we said: "OK Danny. If you want to be between us, come to Michele's house on Friday night and we'll be waiting."
- Michele: And then he showed up, and we were like: "Danny, it was a joke!"
- Romy: And then we turned the sprinklers on him!
- [both laugh hysterically]
- Michele: Oh my God!
- [abruptly stops laughing]
- Michele: Didn't he die?
- Romy: I think so.
- Heather: Wow, all that time you guys were making my life hell, the A group was doing the same thing to you! I had no idea!
- Michele: You know? I bet in high school, everybody made somebody's life hell.
- Heather: Nope, sorry, never had the opportunity.
- Michele: I bet that's not true...
- Heather: You think?
- Michele: Oh, yeah, you were really unpleasant.
- Romy: Do you have some sort of business woman special?
- Truck Stop Waitress: Come again?
- Romy: Well, were business women.
- Michele: From LA.
- Romy: And you know how some places have like a lunch special?
- Michele: For business women...
- Truck Stop Waitress: We don't have anything like that.
- Romy: Ok we'll take 2 burgers, fries, and medium cokes cause were in a hurry.
- Michele: We're due in Tucson later... some business thing, you know.
- Truck Stop Waitress: What kind of business you all in?
- [Romy and Michele give a long pause]
- Romy: All I ever wanted was for people to think that we were better than we were in high school. And now we're just a stupid joke, just like we always were.
- Michele: Romy, can I tell you the truth? I never knew that we weren't that great in high school. I mean, we always had so much fun together... I thought high school was a blast! And until you told me that our lives weren't good enough, I thought everything *since* high school was a blast. I think we should go back out there as ourselves, and just have fun like we always do. The hell with everyone else!
- Romy: I don't think I can.
- Michele: Well, do you think you can stop being such a baby? God! I feel like I've been, like, chasing you all over this reunion. We have come all this way, now we are going to enjoy ourselves whether you like it or not!
- Romy: God, Michele... I've never seen this side of your personality before. You're so bossy and domineering. I like it!
- Michele: [Smiling] Me too!
- [Michele is a at job interview]
- Michele: Well, my first choice was to work at a boutique on Rodeo Drive, but this would be okay.